JEFF PROBST: Previously on Survivor 3.01: The Yukon: The Sampo Tribe lost its first Immunity Challenge, and went to Tribal Council. With the Tribe split evenly into two factions, Warren and Kitten went into a sudden-death tie-breaker. When it was over, Warren left the Tribe.
[Sampo Campsite]
LOBO: Yay, team! Come here, team!
[Kitten, Ruby, and Mr. B Natural join Lobo in a group hug, jumping up and down, giving each other high-fives, and so on.]
KITTEN: Tribal Council Rulez!
GEORGIA: Could you be a little less obvious with your gloating? We’re still here.
MR. B NATURAL: Did you hear something, Kitten? I didn’t hear anything.
RUBY: I thought I heard one of those other people saying something.
KITTEN (turning toward Neil, Georgia, and Carmelita): Listen, you. Just what were you three thinking of, voting for me? You picked the wrong person to mess with! This Kitten has claws, see? Grrrrr!
LOBO: Why you vote for Kitten? She not do anything.
NEIL: Yeah. That’s sort of the point. Warren was doing a lot for this Tribe. Kitten does nothing but sit around and whine. Plus, after the Challenge, she was injured, dehydrated, or emotionally unstable. Or some combination of the three.
CARMELITA: See, I think you guys are getting way ahead of the Game. Before the merge, we need to keep the Tribe strong. That’s why we tried to vote out the weakest person. Which wasn’t Warren.
KITTEN: That Warren was a big pain! With his charts and schedules, he gave me the red ass!
NEIL: OK, so he was an annoying tool. But he was strong as an ox, and did a lot of work.
RUBY: I’m sick of hearing about how hard he worked!
KITTEN: Yeah, he’s a big success back home. Mr. Squaresville Capitalist Running Dog.
[Konga Campsite]
MICKEY: Have the rest of you noticed that the crew seems to be spending a lot more time over at Sampo? They’re hardly ever here. Hardly ever.
EULABELLE: Oh yes, we’ve had some interesting goings-on here, that’s for sure.
GLEN: Like what?
ROGER: Well, there was that time Ah found a feather. ‘Member that?
MELISSA: … And the time Glen sneezed, starting an avalanche… which wiped out our camp.
TORGO: Yes. AND… the TIME… Melissa… FOUND… a… HOT spring… and was… TAKING… a bath.
MELISSA: … Wait a minute… I didn’t think anyone was around. …Torgo!
[Sampo Campsite]
MR. B NATURAL: Warren’s rich. He doesn’t need a million dollars!
CARMELITA: Nobody NEEDS a million damn dollars.
MR. B NATURAL: Well, I do! I have outfits to buy, flutes to pay for…
NEIL: Warren’s busted his hump for twenty years, supporting a family. He’s got three kids to put through college, and a retirement to plan for.
KITTEN: Yeah, and I’ve got nothing, while he’s Mr. Fat-Cat… Rich… Guy.
GEORGIA: Warren’s a success, and you can’t stand it, Kitten, because you don’t know if you can make it. The thought of spending the next 40 years of your life working for a living scares the hell out of you.
RUBY: None of that should count here.
NEIL: Damn straight. You’ve made our point.
[Lobo senses that this is a time to create Unity. He goes down on one knee, and the rest of the Tribe gathers around him in a semi-circle.]
CARMELITA: What, are you our quarterback, now, or something?
GEORGIA: Jeez, Lobo, could you stand up? Or at least put on some long pants?
LOBO: Team divided. We need make plan.
NEIL: There is no team here. And the only plan you’re interested in, is what order you’re going to pick the rest of us off in. Screw you, buddy.
CARMELITA: No, Lobo’s right. Group hug! ((((Sampo)))).
KITTEN (crying): Get her off me! GET HER OFF ME!
JEFF PROBST: Yeah, like watching a car wreck in slow motion, isn’t it? I mean, are these the seven most annoying people on the planet, or what? “Oh, I think we should spend more time with Sampo! More drama going on there!” Thanks a lot, MARK. Umm… tomorrow brings another Immunity Challenge, so join us next time, on Survivor!
Day 12
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